Have you suffered from invisible abuse?

Today, I wanted to talk to you about invisible-to-the-eye childhood neglect (invisible abuse) and how you might still be affected by it without you even knowing it….
Abuse comes in many ways you know… It can be physical, emotional, mental, se$ual…
Abuse is not only related to what the eye can see but also to what the eye can’t see….
If you needed affection in your childhood but you were given crumbs, if you needed to be cuddled but you were pushed away, if you needed someone to listen to you but you were not heard or listened to, if you were emotional and you were judged for it, all of this is abuse!
All of these types of neglect will have a big impact on your mindset because a child needs to make reason of why she is judged, rejected, critiqued, ignored or pushed away when it comes to her own needs. By mindset, I mean the way you think about yourself and the world that surrounds you.
In order to survive, a child will often put the fault on herself because how can she feel safe if she realizes that her parents are limited in the way that they are taking care of her?
In some situations, how can a child survive realizing that her parents love her with conditions or that they are not fit to be responsible and loving parents?
By consequence, the child will buy beliefs about herself that she is not enough, that there is something wrong about her, that she is not important and that her feelings and needs are not important. Is that you?
That little girl will eventually shut off parts of herself and only let people see what she thinks is acceptable and lovable about her.
She will internalize that she is safe and accepted only when she shows sides of herself that are acceptable and do not bear the risk of her being judged, critiqued or ridiculed.
Invisible abuse will have an impact on her at various levels, here are some of them, do you relate?
1. Hiding parts of yourself to the world takes energy and you will often feel lethargic or have low energy.
2. You don’t feel free, you feel that you have to wear a mask. By wearing a mask, you feel safe and accepted.
3. You are not able to use your full potential in order to succeed in your life. You only have access to a few of the facets of your inner diamond and are not able to shine fully or use all of your talents and gifts.
4. You haven’t learned to give importance to your needs. You have learned to put others first and you will often end up being resentful when others are not doing the same for you.
5. You haven’t learned to deal with your emotions, often resulting in you using food, alcohol, drugs or coping with other addictive behaviors in order to numb your pain and cope.
6. As a result of having shut off your feelings because there was no safe place for you to express them, you will have trapped emotions in your body. You can have anger, sadness, guilt, shame, resentment, humiliation, and all of these low vibrational emotions will keep your vibration low. A low vibration will attract to you situations and people that vibrate at the same level, which means that you will be stuck at attracting to you the same difficult experiences over and over again.
7. You feel trapped, stuck and frustrated that you can’t seem to attract to you what you really want because you keep experiencing the same situation over and over.
8. You will experience relationships where you will feel exactly like in your childhood: not important, not valued, not prioritized, not enough, nor loved unconditionally.
9. You will have limiting and negative beliefs about you that will keep you stuck in sabotaging behaviors and patterns that don’t bring you the happiness that you are desperately looking for.
10. You will not feel worthy of receiving because you have learned that your needs are not important. Therefore, any attempt by others to give you something (be it a gift or love or attention) will be brushed off and rejected or replaced with you offering them something in return because you don’t feel worthy of receiving.
11. You have trouble being seen vulnerable, so you will hide your true self behind a mask of being ok with almost everything.

The biggest impact of invisible abuse is that you will either learn to not need anything from anyone or desperately try to find someone to fulfill your needs. Either way, you will end up being unsatisfied because nobody is responsible to fulfill all your needs and cutting yourself from what others can bring you, will keep you living in lack.

So have the courage today to ask yourself: what invisible abuse have I gone through in my childhood? This is the 1st step to bring awareness on what needs healing and transformation in your life.

Bianca (aka Mystical Queen Goddess)

How to get back into your feminine energy in your relationship

I If you are giving or doing too much for your partner in your relationship, you will end up being depleted of your energy, frustrated, not feeling appreciated and that your needs are not important. You have probably learned during your childhood that in order to be loved, you need to give and do for others. This is bringing you into a masculine energy which is focused on doing, planning, giving and in the long run will bring an imbalance into your relationship. In hoping that the more you give to your partner the more he will be willing to take care of you, you will lose focus on yourself and if your partner doesn’t do anything for you, you will end up tired, depleted, unseen and unappreciated. You need to learn how to get back into your feminine energy by bringing back your focus on you. If you feel frustrated because no one is taking care of your needs, you need to take care of yourself. The less you concentrate on your partner, the more energy you will have to give to yourself and your own needs. Ask yourself: what do I need? To enjoy a nice bubbly and relaxing bath? To schedule a nice massage? To buy myself flowers to enjoy their beauty? To take a nap and rest? To read a nice book? To daydream and envision how your life could be better? To watch a romantic movie while you sip on a warming herbal tea? The feminine energy is all about relaxing, dreaming, imagining, taking care of yourself, listening to your intuition, enjoying life and being in the present moment!

If you start to concentrate on yourself more and do less for your partner, he might react in a strange way. He might punish you by ignoring you and pout, depriving you from his attention, affection and love in order to show the fact that he is not happy with your new behavior towards him. This might trigger you into the fear of being abandoned or rejected by him and you could risk going back to your old pattern of being in your masculine energy. You could even begin being anxious and fearful of losing him. You have to learn to deal with your anxiety in order to not give in. Get back your confidence by repeating positive affirmations like: I deserve to be loved for whom I am; I am lovable; My needs are important; I deserve the best in life; I am important and valuable. The more you repeat these powerful affirmations, the less you will stress when your partner is reacting to your new feminine ways which is normal because he got used to a completely different behavior and now you are changing the rules.

Try to have an open discussion with him explaining to him that you need to come back into your feminine energy and take care of you because you are exhausted or whatever your truth is. Just speak from a personal perspective without being accusatory or putting the fault on him. Give him the space to express himself and share your feelings and needs. This conversation, if well done, will bring you closer and he will end up having more respect for you because you are giving yourself the importance and respect that you deserve. Unless he is a toxic partner and he wants you go keep giving to him even if it’s making you unhappy and exhausted.

I hope this brings you more awareness about your past or future relationships. If you are interested in working with me, let’s schedule a discovery call to see if we can work together at helping you become the Queen that you deserve to be in order to attract your King (aka soulmate). 

Mystical Queen Goddess
Counselling therapist, spiritual guide and creator of the Transformation 360 method.
Because your Inner Queen wants you to experience abundance at all levels!

What happens when a man pulls away?

Did you ever experience your guy that you have dated for a while, pull away? Did you lose your mind trying to understand how come since things were going so great between you? He was courting you, showering you with attention or gifts and all of a sudden he disappeared of the face of the earth or started to text or call less and having reasons to not see you often? If yes, I will explain what could have happened to him that made him pull away from you without explanation.

This is a man that has an avoidant type attachment. What it means is that the attachment that he experienced in his childhood with his principal caretakers made him scared of being trapped in a relationship where he would lose his freedom or where he could experience disappointment. At the beginning stage of a relationship, he is not triggered in his fear of losing his independence and freedom because there is nothing serious between you. Therefore, he can be warm and romantic towards you because he only thinks about the pleasure moments you two could share. He is busy thinking where to dine you, what he could wear on the date with you, how you are going to be when he is with you so he is excited and showers you with the attention that you seek from him.

As soon as you make a request to bring the relationship to another level, that is when he will be triggered in his fears. I will explain shortly the concept of triggering here: it’s like when someone tells you something that you don’t like and you feel all of a sudden, deep feelings of anger or resentment and you know that the situation is not matching the intensity of your emotions. The reason is that emotions from your past were triggered by the comment that this person made. It’s like waking up a little monster from the past!

This is what happens when an avoidant man is put in a situation where he has to commit to a more serious relationship. If he has to commit to you, that means a lot of negative things to him and the positive possibilities don’t really stand out to in his mind. It’s like seeing through a dark veil and not having a perception that is based in reality of now. Old emotions that are stuck with him from his painful childhood memories will come up and he will not be able to visualize the commitment with an adult perspective where he has the choice in his life but rather with a childish perception that is negative and biased because he sees the future of a possible relationship through the eyes of a hurtful past.

This also explains why the more you play hard to get in the beginning, the more he will be attracted to you because he is not triggered by the perspective of a serious relationship. But if you have an anxious style attachment and you begin to show signs of anxiety and start running after him, this is when he will start to act out and to disappear.

Not that you understand better what could have happened to him, I hope you find more peace in your heart because there is an explanation to this whole madness!

Mystical Queen Goddess
Counselling therapist, spiritual guide and creator of the Transformation 360 method.
Because your Inner Queen wants you to experience abundance at all levels!