If you have trouble accepting yourself, this can stem from your childhood. If you didn’t feel accepted as you were by your parents or caretakers you will have trouble accepting yourself later in life. You have internalized those negative voices in your head and your small loving inner voice is buried somewhere beneath all this noise: “You aren’t good enough”; “Look how better she is than you!; “You are so dumb”; “You cry too much; “You are too this or too that”; “Don’t do this, don’t be like that”. Being constantly critiqued, diminished, compared, laughed at, humiliated or judged will make you think that you are not ok as you are, that you should be something else, that you have to be like other people that you perceive as being better than you, that you are damaged or weird, that what you are is not acceptable or ok, that you have to hide what makes you unique and original. The downside of that is that you hide what makes you so unique and beautiful and you learn to be a white sheep surrounded by other white sheep instead of being a purple sheep that is proud to be different. You can also be a magnificent peacock, if you ask me! Be what ever your soul wants you to be! 

 

Later in life, you don’t get to know and discover whom you truly are and accept yourself fully with all your facets whatever they are because you are either ashamed or scared to show them. You have to realize first that you don’t have to be anything than yourself since there never was, there is not and there will never be someone exactly like you. It is your uniqueness that makes you valuable, magical and special! You have to learn to embrace your quirks, perceived defaults and limits as well as your talents, gifts and difference. It’s this potent potion of abilities, gifts, quirks and  personality that make you stand out! that  Learn to observe those negative voices in your head and to replace them with a kind and accepting voice that ignores that poisonous chattering in your head and instead has a loving and encouraging tone. You don’t have to be perfect, neither better than someone else, neither something else that you already are, you have to be your best version and strive to be better each day. You unique point of comparison should be the yesterday version of yourself.

 

Look at whom you admire and know that you have those same qualities and gifts as them or you can develop them with time. If not, you would not be able to recognize those same characteristics in them. You have to recuperate those facets of yourself that you have learned to hide in order to be accepted, valued, recognized or loved by others. Those facets of yourself are waiting for your permission to show themselves and help you become your best version!

 

The more you learn to accept yourself as you are and the less importance you will give others about what they think of you. You also have to accept that it’s ok to not be fully accepted by others, it’s ok to not be loved by everyone, it’s ok to stand out and be weird in other people’s eyes! You are the only one that has the responsibility to love and accept yourself fully. You are God’s divine creation (or however you call the creator of the universe) and that makes you special, unique and precious! Never forget that!

 

Here are three tips on how to prevent being manipulated by a man:

 

1. He must be consistent

 

Don’t take into consideration a man’s words but instead look at the consistency of his actions towards you. Is he consistent in giving you attention and time? Is he consistent in calling or texting you? Is he consistent in making you his priority? Is his consistent in making you feel important and valuable?

 

If he’s only giving you attention when he wants something from you, don’t take him seriously. You deserve much better than someone whom is wishy washy. A man that is consistent for a long period of time, shows that he is serious about the relationships he has with you.

 

2. His words are matching his actions

 

Whatever he promises to you, he honors it most of the time. He has the right to change his mind but if he’s only words and no actions, be aware. Don’t be fooled by beautiful words if his actions say otherwise. Him honoring his promises to you shows that you are important and valuable to him.

 

3. Men can be wonderful until….

 

…they get what they want. If he’s charming, loving and caters to your needs and after you give in with sex for example he changes radically, then you fell into his trap. Men have this talent of manipulating you into believing that they are so good to you and can easily wear a mask to make you believe it. As soon as they get what they want, they remove their mask without any shame and you get to see their true nature. How to not fall into that trap? Take your time to get to know him well and don’t give him sex until you both have feelings for each other and you feel ready. By taking your time to really know him, establishing a heart to heart connection and being vulnerable with each other, he will have the time to open his heart and fall in love with you or to leave if he’s not interested in getting to know you other than physically.

 

I hope that those tips bring you more awareness into the psychology of how man can be and you avoid getting into the trap of being manipulated by a man next time you are in a similar situation.

If you lost your self-esteem after a difficult break-up, there are a few ways you can reclaim your self-esteem. I will share 4 tips in this article:

 

1. Remind yourself that you are God’s creation

 

You are God’s (or whatever name you give to the creator of the universe) creation so that means you are special. There never was, there is not and there will never be someone exactly like you. You are unique and nobody can replace you, therefore you must value yourself accordingly. One day you will find your soulmate and the fact that you are single and heartbroken today doesn’t diminish your value.

 

2. Remind yourself that you are limitless

 

There is nothing that you can not create if you have a dream and the talent for it. No matter how you feel right now: lonely, sad or angry, not worthy or not loved, tell yourself that this is temporary. You are not defined by a man’s love towards you. You are defined by the beauty that resides within you and by the power of the love that you hold into your heart. Take your power back by concentrating on your dreams and objectives and give yourself what you want. Practice self-love during this solitary period and do things that bring you bliss.

 

3. Take pride in sharing whom you really are

 

This is the time to get to know yourself more. What have you left on the side that you would like to reintroduce into your life now there is space for it? What activities or passions are waiting for you to reintroduce into your life? What do you want to create? What do you want to share with the world? You have unique gifts that can benefit the world and you could start sharing these with the ones that would love to benefit from them!

 

4. Take your time to digest your pain

 

If you have difficult emotions that you need to process like anger or sadness, take your time to get through them. The sooner you express them, the shorter the period of mourning the relationship will be. You can write in a journal or talk to someone that you can trust. You can learn from this relationship what you no longer want in a relationship and what lessons you have learned. If this relationship didn’t work out, is because someone else is better for you. It is ok to think about memories or fall into the trap of seeing your ex or wanting to go back to him, nobody is perfect. The important thing is to decide one day that you deserve better and that going back to something that will not work out, is turning in circles and not giving yourself the space to heal.

 

I hope that these tips shed more light on this topic and until next time, much love.

 

Are you one of those women that keeps going back to her ex? You would like to stop doing it but you can’t stop going back?

 

Here are 4 reasons that could explain why you keep falling into the same trap:

 

1. You don’t want to deal with difficult emotions

 

You would rather think about him or try to contact him rather to sit down and feel your emotions. You are afraid that some painful emotions would come up and that you would not be able to process them. I recommend that when you feel that painful emotions rising up, that you write in a journal whatever you feel like writing without judging what you jot down. Write down anything that comes up: anger, sadness, resentment, jealousy; just give yourself the gift of liberating yourself of anything that keeps you stuck. You will feel much better afterwards and you will be less tempted to contact your ex or to give in to his flirting.

 

2. You are not ready to face your abandonment wound

 

You keep hanging on for dear life to him because you are avoiding feeling abandoned or rejected. The little girl in you is hurt and your current separation brings up the unresolved emotions of that little girl in you that didn’t have the occasion to express herself and to have the safe space to do so in order to process whatever feelings she might have. Today, you can take that little girl in you by the hand and listen to her. What does she want to tell you? What emotions does she want to express: sadness, anger, feelings of being abandoned or rejected, feeling unworthy of love, not good enough, not perfect, not lovable? Become the mother that you never had by giving yourself the love and attention that you are missing.

 

3. You hope that this time around he will change

 

He keeps making promises and he is so convincing! You say to yourself that this time around he will keep his promises and that he really understands that you are serious this time. The truth is that he will most probably change in his next relationship and not with you. Why? Because as long as you keep coming back to him you are sending him the same message over and over, which is: keep doing what you are doing because I will keep coming back. You will have to leave him for good in order for him to really understand the lesson and apply it in his next relationship.

 

4. You are not ready to face the truth

 

Cutting the relationship for good is making you scared because that would make you come to some irrational and wrong conclusions:

 

· that there will not be another man that will love you;

· that you are not worthy of love;

· that you will end up alone and lonely;

· that you can’t deal with the pain of losing him for good;

· that you are doing a mistake because he is the one;

· that you should accept him as he is because afterall, he is not so bad.

 

These are limiting beliefs that keep you stuck in place and if you don’t take the time to demystify and transform them, you will lose precious time by staying stuck and not having the joy of experiencing something much better. There is someone out there for you who will treat you with the love, respect and attention that you truly deserve but because you are not willing to let go of these beliefs, you will not get to experience.

 

I hope that these 4 points bring you more awareness into why you keep going back to your ex and that you find a way out of this toxic pattern in order to find the true and bounty love that you deserve!