Are you planning to go on a dating site but you have a past of attracting the wrong partners? Then stop. This is not the right time to look for a partner. If you are still dealing with self-love, self-esteem issues or self-respect issues, this is the worst mistake you could do if you want to find the right partner!

 

Let me explain why. The fact that you have still deep healing to do is a major sign that you have negative limiting beliefs about yourself. Like: I don’t deserve to be loved; In order to be valued, I have to do and to give to others; In order to be loved, I have to let others step on my boundaries; I am not enough; I have little value; I am not important; my needs are not important, etc.

 

You want to attract your true love soulmate right? Then you need to know how manifestation works. We attract exactly what we are and think that we are. If we think bad thoughts about ourselves, we will attract men that will show, as a mirror, that what we believe about ourselves is true. So to make it simple for you: if you hold a belief that you are not important, you will attract a partner that will treat you in a way that you will make you feel not important. If you believe that you are unworthy of love, you will be treated in a way that makes you feel unloved or on the contrary, nothing will be enough for you to feel loved because deep inside of yourself, you don’t believe that you deserve to be loved. Therefore, it is crucial that you work on your mindset before any tentative of finding your soulmate to put all the chances of success on your side and not waste any more time.

 

Also, if you still have emotional wounds that haven’t been healed, they will be brought up in the relationship because there is nothing better than a romantic partner to wake in us what needs to come to the surface and be healed. They will trigger us exactly where we need to be triggered, in order for the junk to come to the surface and be brought to the light. If we don’t know how to release our pain in a healthy way, we will adopt unhealthy patterns in order to not feel our pain and this will create discord in our relationship. If you take the time to work on your communication skills and how to transform your emotional wounds, you will have better chances at succeeding.

 

Working on yourself it’s like putting together a beautiful fruit tart. If the basis is not solid and can’t hold the fruit together along with the custard, nothing will stay put and it will eventually come apart. Therefore, we need to make sure the basis of the relationship with ourself is solid before we try to build a relationship with someone else.

 

If we want to find a partner that makes us feel loved, cherished, valued, nourished and respected, we need to deeply believe that we are worthy of all these things. If not, we will attract exactly our mirror and then we will have to start again and again, losing precious years because we are not willing to stop and take a long look at ourself. If you have suffered from emotional or physical abuse or neglect in your past, it is vital that you work on yourself and the sooner you do it, the better you will get at attracting the right partner for you.

 

The majority of us have been brought up to believe that self-esteem should come from how much we accomplish in life, what we do for others, how we show up in the world or how we are better than others. This is straight @#$….it and it made us become something that we are not. We have ended up wearing a mask, suffering from comparison, having trouble saying no or trying to impress others.

 

There is a much simpler definition to self-esteem. Self-esteem should be based on the capacity to recognize ourselves as a unique and beautiful creation of God (Creator of the Universe). Every woman is God’s creation, therefore, every woman should have self-esteem for herself, period.

 

If you catch yourself comparing yourself to other women, know that you will always end up losing, since you would have to be the best in the world at something in order to not lose. By simply accepting yourself as you are and choosing to see your qualities and gifts as enough, you will become more solid and confident. Try to be a better version that yesterday and one day you will be your best version!

 

If you have trouble saying no to people by fear of them disapproving of you or losing the value in their eyes, remember that no one’s opinion is more important than yours. When you fall into the trap of giving your power away by giving more importance to the opinion of others, you are self-abandoning. The next time if feel like saying “no” to someone instead of an﮴”yes”, remember that you don’t owe nothing to anyone and you are free of choosing yourself. If you lose their friendship or admiration, it means that there was nothing solid to begin with in the beginning. By doing so, you will gain more self-respect and self-esteem.

 

If you hide facets of yourself in order to be something that you think it’s more valuable than what you already are, it is time for you to reclaim your true self. All the facets of your inner diamond are precious and you should show them to the world, because they make you the unique person that you are. A simple way of finding out which parts of yourself are hidden, it’s to be aware of what qualities you admire in others or you are envious of. Those qualities are already in you and are just waiting to be claimed by you in order to show themselves.

 

If you are killing yourself at work in order to prove your value, know that you are exhausting yourself in vain. You are already valuable and enough. You don’t need to be in burnout or almost there, to feel valuable or that you are worth something. This is all wrong! You got it all wrong and it’s not your fault! It’s just the way you were brought up and it’s time now for you to release all the pressure you are putting on yourself (I already did this in the past and I had my lesson! I almost touched burnout when I realized that I was valuing myself from a wrong perspective!).

 

If you have a healthy self-esteem you won’t attract partners that take advantage of you or abuse you so it is very important to get your self-esteem back and realize that your unique blend of qualities, traits, personality and gifts make you so special!

 

In all my past relationships, I had hoped that I would be loved unconditionally and yet, I wasn’t (and maybe I wasn’t loving them unconditionally either!). There were two long relationships where I wasn’t ready to have kids and my partners chose to be with someone else because of that. My dream of being loved by someone no matter if I chose to have kids or not was crushed and then I realized that they wanted to have kids more than they wanted to be with me. Is this true and unconditional love? Or is this more of a transaction: I will stay with you as long as you give me what I want?

 

True unconditional love shouldn’t come with rules or conditions. True, unconditional love is a desire to be with the person that you love no matter if she gives you what you want or not. We should choose to be with our partner, not because we need him but because we want to be with him. True unconditional love doesn’t take into account: status, religion, fortune, origin or gender.

 

But, does that mean that you have to accept anything or everything? No, absolutely not! If your partner cheats on you or abuses you, you should not accept that! Because accepting cheating or any kind of abuse would mean that you don’t love yourself. When you truly love yourself, you know what is acceptable or not, you have an inner nudge that tells you: this is acceptable and this is not! This helps you to put healthy boundaries and to respect yourself.

 

The more you love yourself unconditionally, the more you will be able to love others unconditionally and to know how you allow others to treat you. When you truly love yourself, you will attract your mirror, meaning your true Love Soulmate that will love you with no conditions because they will want to share their life with you not because of what you give them but because of simply whom you are and that is exempt of conditions.