If you are giving or doing too much for your partner in your relationship, you will end up being depleted of your energy, frustrated, not feeling appreciated and that your needs are not important. You have probably learned during your childhood that in order to be loved, you need to give and do for others. This is bringing you into a masculine energy which is focused on doing, planning, giving and in the long run will bring an imbalance into your relationship. In hoping that the more you give to your partner the more he will be willing to take care of you, you will lose focus on yourself and if your partner doesn’t do anything for you, you will end up tired, depleted, unseen and unappreciated. You need to learn how to get back into your feminine energy by bringing back your focus on you. If you feel frustrated because no one is taking care of your needs, you need to take care of yourself. The less you concentrate on your partner, the more energy you will have to give to yourself and your own needs. Ask yourself: what do I need? To enjoy a nice bubbly and relaxing bath? To schedule a nice massage? To buy myself flowers to enjoy their beauty? To take a nap and rest? To read a nice book? To daydream and envision how your life could be better? To watch a romantic movie while you sip on a warming herbal tea? The feminine energy is all about relaxing, dreaming, imagining, taking care of yourself, listening to your intuition, enjoying life and being in the present moment!
If you start to concentrate on yourself more and do less for your partner, he might react in a strange way. He might punish you by ignoring you and pout, depriving you from his attention, affection and love in order to show the fact that he is not happy with your new behavior towards him. This might trigger you into the fear of being abandoned or rejected by him and you could risk going back to your old pattern of being in your masculine energy. You could even begin being anxious and fearful of losing him. You have to learn to deal with your anxiety in order to not give in. Get back your confidence by repeating positive affirmations like: I deserve to be loved for whom I am; I am lovable; My needs are important; I deserve the best in life; I am important and valuable. The more you repeat these powerful affirmations, the less you will stress when your partner is reacting to your new feminine ways which is normal because he got used to a completely different behavior and now you are changing the rules.
Try to have an open discussion with him explaining to him that you need to come back into your feminine energy and take care of you because you are exhausted or whatever your truth is. Just speak from a personal perspective without being accusatory or putting the fault on him. Give him the space to express himself and share your feelings and needs. This conversation, if well done, will bring you closer and he will end up having more respect for you because you are giving yourself the importance and respect that you deserve. Unless he is a toxic partner and he wants you go keep giving to him even if it’s making you unhappy and exhausted.
I hope this brings you more awareness about your past or future relationships. If you are interested in working with me, let’s schedule a discovery call to see if we can work together at helping you become the Queen that you deserve to be in order to attract your King (aka soulmate).
- Don’t wait around for a man to bring you happiness, create your own by following your passions and joy. This way you will not spend your time waiting for a man to call you or text you because you will be busy enjoying your own life.
- Have dreams and objectives and take action each day to achieve them. Dream and be creative by being in your feminine energy but also take action towards your dreams in order to create the life that you dream of by using your masculine energy.
- Practice self-awareness and when you start thinking in a negative way, stop and choose to feed yourself a positive thought instead of a negative one. If you let negative thoughts run in your mind, you will get depressed after a while. Instead, observe yourself and switch your thoughts as fast as you can and say to yourself: and what if everything would turn around in a positive way? What can I do in order to have a positive result and where can I let go and let God?
- Don’t chase a man but let him chase you. Don’t be that woman that is too much in her masculine energy and is doing everything to get a man. Instead, let the man show you he’s interested in you by putting yourself in a receiving mode and by showing him that you value yourself and your time.
- Don’t be dependent on a man financially, create your own financial security. You don’t need a man to take care of you, you have everything in yourself to support yourself financially. By doing so, you will increase your self-esteem and feel more secure without needing a crutch to rely on.
- When you have difficult emotions to process, instead of putting the fault on others, choose to express your emotions in a healthy way and see your part of responsibility. It’s so much easier when we try to see how we are contributing to a situation instead of putting ourselves in the position of victim and blaming everything on someone else. Instead of being angry and resentful towards a man, we can learn to express our emotions by talking about us in a responsible way. Express how you feel in a calm manner and accept all your emotions, whatever they are. The more you accept all that you feel, the easier will be for you to express them. Writing down your feelings and your thoughts is a very powerful way of making place to more peace and joy and can make you feel more relaxed when you finally choose to express yourself to him.
- Practice self-care by taking care of your 5 senses: sight, touch, taste, hearing and smell – decorate your surroundings in a beautiful way; listen to your favorite relaxing music; eat foods that you enjoy, touch textiles that are either very soft or warm when you need comforting, smell something that makes you happy. Especially when your anxious, taking care of all your senses, will calm you down and bring you in the present moment, where there is not danger. Anxiety tends to makes us be scared of what could happen in the future while choosing to be in the present moment, helps us be aware that we are safe here and now.
- Listen to your body: when you are tired, take a nap; when you are hungry, nourish yourself; when you have too much energy, dance or move around. Listening to your body can help you even find your own answers. Someone asks you for a favor but you feel it in your body that you want to say no? Someone touches you in an inappropriate way and you don’t feel comfortable? Your body can be a very wise guide to let you know what is ok and what is not ok with you.
- Put healthy boundaries with others when you feel invaded in your space. This way you will be respected and people will know that they cannot mess with you. The more you respect yourself, the easiest will be for you to say no to people and make them respect you. You are worthy of respect and no one should make you feel that you have to please them and ignore your own boundaries. Choose to love yourself even when other people reject you because nothing is more important than your own opinion of yourself.
- Affirm yourself and say what you think because what you have to say it’s important and valuable. We often have something to say but we just diminish the importance and value of what we have to offer by saying our opinion. The more you express yourself, the more people with take you into account and you will feel that what you have to say has value even if no one thinks the way you do or agrees with you. Allow yourself to be different and unique, have the courage to be a pink sheep between a multitude of white sheep.
- Learn to develop an emotional connection before having a physical connection with a man. Don’t give in to sex before you are sure you love this man and this man loves you back. A man will never fall in love with you because you give him his body. A man needs to know and have access to your heart and not your body in order to fall in love with you. Take your time 2 months or more if you can before going further physically with a man and if you feel pressure from him, then run!
Let me know your thoughts in the comment box below!
Did you ever experience your guy that you have dated for a while, pull away? Did you lose your mind trying to understand how come since things were going so great between you? He was courting you, showering you with attention or gifts and all of a sudden he disappeared of the face of the earth or started to text or call less and having reasons to not see you often? If yes, I will explain what could have happened to him that made him pull away from you without explanation.
This is a man that has an avoidant type attachment. What it means is that the attachment that he experienced in his childhood with his principal caretakers made him scared of being trapped in a relationship where he would lose his freedom or where he could experience disappointment. At the beginning stage of a relationship, he is not triggered in his fear of losing his independence and freedom because there is nothing serious between you. Therefore, he can be warm and romantic towards you because he only thinks about the pleasure moments you two could share. He is busy thinking where to dine you, what he could wear on the date with you, how you are going to be when he is with you so he is excited and showers you with the attention that you seek from him.
As soon as you make a request to bring the relationship to another level, that is when he will be triggered in his fears. I will explain shortly the concept of triggering here: it’s like when someone tells you something that you don’t like and you feel all of a sudden, deep feelings of anger or resentment and you know that the situation is not matching the intensity of your emotions. The reason is that emotions from your past were triggered by the comment that this person made. It’s like waking up a little monster from the past!
This is what happens when an avoidant man is put in a situation where he has to commit to a more serious relationship. If he has to commit to you, that means a lot of negative things to him and the positive possibilities don’t really stand out to in his mind. It’s like seeing through a dark veil and not having a perception that is based in reality of now. Old emotions that are stuck with him from his painful childhood memories will come up and he will not be able to visualize the commitment with an adult perspective where he has the choice in his life but rather with a childish perception that is negative and biased because he sees the future of a possible relationship through the eyes of a hurtful past.
This also explains why the more you play hard to get in the beginning, the more he will be attracted to you because he is not triggered by the perspective of a serious relationship. But if you have an anxious style attachment and you begin to show signs of anxiety and start running after him, this is when he will start to act out and to disappear.
Not that you understand better what could have happened to him, I hope you find more peace in your heart because there is an explanation to this whole madness!
1. Don’t settle for any guy, just because you are afraid of being alone
Don’t be afraid of your own shadow, you can learn to have so much fun by yourself. Find your passions, find what brings you joy and soon, you will see that you can have so much fun being alone. By learning to be happy, joyous and have fun by yourself, you will not run after the company of a man. Therefore, your Soulmate will feel attracted to be in your company and not repelled because you need him. He would want to bring you more joy because you are already happy by yourself. He would not want to be the only reason that you feel happy in your life because that would put a lot of pressure on him and make him afraid of losing his freedom. By being alone, you learn to discover yourself, whom you really are, what are the parts of yourself that want to come to the surface and be acknowledged by you in order for you to become your best version. Discovering and knowing yourself should be your life mission and by doing that you will learn to love your own company.
2. Don’t run after a guy, he’s the one to chase after you
You would feel so much more relax if you would only get this one thing: you don’t need to run or chase after a man! Your soulmate will do all the chasing for you! He would want to be in your company the most often possible so he would always try to text you, call you, see you. It is so easy when you are dating your Soulmate because they give you the opportunity to be in your feminine energy and lean back and they can show themselves to you in their masculine energy which is all about getting their prize, which is you! So sit in your Queen chair and relax and if you feel that you have to do the chasing, then run, he is not your soulmate!
3. Do not think that a man can make you happy
The only responsible person to make you happy is yourself. Be the Ice Cream Sundae and let him be the red cherry on top! If you are looking for a man to bring happiness in your life, you are giving all your power away because you don’t rely on yourself to be happy. Men feel when a woman is desperate and needs them and they want to feel that you want to be with them not because you need them but because they complement you. There is a big difference! They don’t want to feel like they are your crutch but rather the person that adds value to your life. Let them be the cherry on the top and not the other way around.
4. Don’t confuse sexual attraction with him being your soulmate
We often feel attracted to the wrong type of guy because it reminds us of something familiar. If we had an emotional or physical absent father in our childhood, a bad boy would feel very alluring to us because it reminds us of someone whom is not available to us. We confuse this familiarity to feeling a connection with these types of men and we fall into the trap of thinking that we have finally found the person that is meant for us which is shooting ourselves in the foot. These are the wrong type of men to try to have a love relationship with them. The more that they will run from us, the more that we will feel not important and abandoned which will bring up unresolved emotional wounds from the past. Your Soulmate will always make you feel important and loved and on the contrary, bad boys will make you feel not important, not loved and not cherished. Say no to the familiar bad boy and work on your mindset by refusing to accept men in your life that treat you like their last priority.
5. Don’t search in your head what to do, what to text, when to call
The answer doesn’t lie in your head but lies in your heart. If you feel like texting him, do it because you feel like it not because you have to. Be free, listen to your heart and to your intuition. Dating should be fun and not feel like a chessboard game or a transaction. Accept yourself as you are as well as your needs and don’t try to decide with your mind what you should do or say. Connect to your feminine energy and let it guide you in your decisions by listening to your intuition. If you just want to sit back and let him to all the texting and calling, do that. If you need to reach to him one day, just do it but make sure it doesn’t come from fear or desperation but from a genuine need to connect.
6. Do not wear a mask, be completely your authentic self
You have to learn to accept yourself fully before meeting your soulmate. Sharing your authentic self, with your defaults and shadows (because you don’t need to be perfect), will help you build emotional intimacy with your soulmate. You will never be perfect, therefore accepting yourself will bring you peace of mind and will help you to accept that your soulmate is not perfect either. By accepting yourself fully, you will accept to show your vulnerable side and build a real emotional connection that will bring you closer with time. By wearing a mask, he will not be able to connect with and know the real you, therefore not building a relationship on the basis of a heart to heart connection. With time, you will end up feeling trapped and not feeling free to be whom you really are by fear of losing your partner.
7. Don’t expect him to fulfill all your needs
Unconditional love means accepting your partner as he is even if he doesn’t meet all your needs the way you want him to and when you want him to. Real unconditional love allows your soulmate to be himself and free to say yes or no to your requests at the risk of you not always being satisfied. Therefore, learn to attend to your own needs first and let him bring you more abundance than you already have by taking care of your needs first. Also, do not attend to all his needs hoping that he will do the same in return. This would be more of a manipulative tactic and you will end up being unsatisfied and frustrated. You should concentrate on fulfilling your own needs first therefore, let him feel free when he wants to do something for you and bring you more happiness. That doesn’t mean that you should be ok with him never attending to your needs, there should always be a balance and you should feel that he wants to make you happy the best that he can.
8. Don’t accept mistreatment from a man
Do not let a man treat you with less respect than you would like your own daughter to be treated (if you had one!). Put yourself in the shoes of a mother that doesn’t want her daughter to be treated badly and have the same high standards for yourself. Work on your mindset each day and repeat the following positive affirmations: I deserve to be treated with respect; I am valuable and am treated in accordance; I am God’s child; therefore, I am treated like a Queen (change the affirmations as per your preference). Learn to put boundaries and to treat yourself with the most respect if you want to be treated accordingly.
9. Don’t ignore your past trauma and emotional wounds
If you ignore your past trauma and emotional wounds, you will attract karmic partners which will have the mission of healing you by targeting your unhealed emotional wounds. Go seek a professional that can help you heal, express your unresolved emotional trauma and also help you with your mindset. The more you work on yourself, the more you will be close to attracting your ultimate soulmate (true love). If you have unresolved trauma and emotional wounds, you should not be dating but rather concentrate yourself on healing unless you want to use your karmic relationships to trigger your hurts in order to heal faster. You have the choice!
10. Do not refuse to love yourself
You can not attract your soulmate if you are looking for love outside of yourself and refuse to love yourself. Don’t lose your time dating and chasing men hoping that you will find someone to love you. You will only meet men that mirror your lack of self-love, therefore not love you or loving you with conditions. If you refuse to give yourself the love that resides in your heart and that is waiting for you to claim it, you will lose precious years trying to find love. The fastest and easiest way to find love is to love yourself first. Then, you will be able to attract your soulmate whom will reflect your self-love, therefore truly love you without conditions.
11. Do not give yourself physically before establishing an emotional connection with a man
Women often make the mistake of having sex with a man before establishing a real emotional connection with a man. If you fall into this trap, you will not give him the chance to really know you and discover whom you really are. How can he love you if he doesn’t know whom you really are? Because women are afraid of showing their real emotions and opening themselves emotionally, they would rather have sex very fast into the relationships with the wrong impression that this is what will make the man fall in love with them. You have to enter his heart before anything else. Men don’t get attached emotionally because they have sex with you as we do. On the contrary, men fall in love with you when you enter in their heart and feel connected to you.
12. Don’t try to impress him
You don’t need to impress a man, you just need to be yourself. What do you like about yourself? What do you admire in other women? Because whatever you are envious of or admire in other women, you also have or you can develop more. The more qualities you perceive in other women, the more it says about you and you need to realize that all these qualities are your own reflection. Every woman has qualities and yourself included, the only work you have to do is to discover your own treasure of qualities that you already possess. Once you figure that out, you can rest assured that you don’t need to impress no one and be confident with yourself as you are because you are enough!
13. Don’t fall into the trap of trying to buy love
You don’t need to do or give anything in order to be loved. You are lovable as you are just because you are you, unique and loveable. We have been taught early in childhood that in order to be loved, we need to be a certain way or to concentrate ourselves on others’ needs in order to have our own needs met. You need to unlearn this toxic pattern of looking for love outside of yourself by doing too much for others and take your power back. Consequently, you will redirect your energy on yourself and stop wasting your energy in order to buy love from men. Repeat this positive affirmation: I deserve to be loved for whom I am, and you will stop searching for ways to prove to men that you deserve their love. Instead, you will believe that you deserve love simply because you are valuable as you are.
14. Don’t be a victim of your past relationships
Don’t stay in the past by overthinking your past mistakes or over whomever did you wrong. You are wasting your precious time and by not letting the old energy go, you will not be able to open yourself up to new possibilities. Digest whatever you have to digest without being in your head all the time and accept your hurt. Try to forgive for yourself first (grudge will eat you from the inside out) and love that part of yourself that accepted to be mistreated. Learn the lessons that those experiences have taught you and be grateful that today you know better and you know what you deserve and what you don’t want to experience anymore. Write a letter if you need to and then tear it up in pieces so that you let go whatever you need to let go. You will release old and stagnant energy and make place for joy to enter into your heart. By stopping the victim role, you will feel so much more empowered and in control over your life!
15. Don’t stay with someone who cheated on you
If you are still in a relationship where you were cheated on and you decided to stay because you are afraid of losing him it means you don’t love yourself enough to know that you deserve someone that is loyal to you. There will always be a feeling that never goes away like a dark spot on a beautiful pink flower. Loyal men exist and you deserve one but you have to know your value first and not be afraid of being alone for a while. There are men that regret their mistake and will not do it again and others will do it over and over. Also, when we are cheated on, we always know it unless you are really cut from your intuition. Our 6th sense warns us but sometimes we choose to trust what others say (him denying it) or continue our life as if nothing happened. If you deny your intuition, you will not learn to trust yourself first and you risk making other mistakes in your life because when we don’t listen to our intuition, we always end up regretting it.
16. Don’t confuse sex with an emotional connection
Some of us don’t know what a real emotional connection is because we haven’t experienced what a real intimate emotional connection with our caretakers means. This would make us think that having sex is connecting with someone at the deepest level. This is one of the biggest mistakes that you can make because men will not take you seriously and think that you do that with every man that you meet. It’s not your fault, because this is something that you have to learn: to open yourself to your emotions, to learn how to express yourself, to have the courage to be vulnerable when you open your heart to someone. You have to learn to build an emotional connection first and when you feel close at an emotional level, than you can go further and experience a physical connection and not the other way around.
17. Don’t let yourself be manipulated by men
Men can be manipulative to get what they want from you (often sex and then they are not interested anymore) so don’t believe what they say but learn to see their actions. How are they behaving towards you with time? If you are not giving in to what they want, are they interested in spending time with you to get to know you? Are they trying to establish a heart to heart connection with you or rather give you crumbs of their time and put pressure on you? Always listen to your gut and show them that you respect yourself and that you value yourself enough to not give in to their pressure or manipulation.
18. Do not convince yourself that you are happy alone
No one is happy alone all their life because we all crave a love partnership but you can make yourself believe that you are because your ego tries to scare you in order to protect you. Maybe you’ve been hurt numerous times, maybe you don’t believe in love anymore, maybe you think there are no good men out there or that you will never meet your soulmate. Instead of being negative and lose hope, try to make yourself happy and love yourself first but don’t close yourself up because you might pass by a beautiful chance of meeting your soulmate. Try to heal first whatever you have to heal so that you don’t meet any karmic partners but you put all the chances on your side in order to meet your true love soulmate.
It’s when I decided to love myself in an unconditional way that I started attracting my True Love Soulmate. Everything began with a decision to love myself first and stop looking for love outside of myself. A True Love Soulmate will offer you a kind of love that heals all the lack of love you have experienced in your love relationships and childhood. Your true love soulmate was chosen especially for you in a complementary and healing way so yes, you have to be ready for it! It would be such a waste if you would meet your life partner soulmate before the right time, because you would either have difficulty receiving so such love or you would sabotage the relationship because you would not feel deserving of such love. Everything comes to you in divine timing!
19. Do not try to save a guy in order to value yourself
Do you always choose those guys that need to be rescued only to find out that they don’t want to change or to be rescued? What hides behind that pattern is the fact that you want to be loved and valued and your belief that you need to work for it. What you need to work on is your limiting belief that you can’t be loved for simply being you. You need to accept yourself as you are and work on your belief that you can simply be loved and valued for being you without needing to save anyone.
20. Do not refuse to deal with and express your emotions
Refusing to get in touch with your emotions and being in your head will make you attract emotional immature or unavailable men which is not what you want. You need to be in contact with your emotions first before manifesting someone whom is in contact with his own emotions. You will fall into the pattern of wanting him to talk about his uncomfortable emotions but you will cut yourself from your difficult emotions and try to make sense of it all with your reasoning and your ego which will make your partner want to shot down even more. Be willing to get out of your head and go into your heart and express yourself as you wish: on your laptop, to your partner, on a letter, to a friend. It make take time and it is ok. It’s not always easy to feel what is uncomfortable to feel if all your life you have been taught to analyze and not feel. Learn to go into your heart rather than spinning like hamster on a wheel in your own head.
I have done myself most of the mistakes described above so there is not judgment on my part (absolutely none!). If I can help you stop a single pattern by making you realize that something will be of detriment to you in manifesting your Soulmate, then I have done my job!