Most of us have been insecure when we were dating. We can be insecure about the way we look, how we are perceived by our date, if he would like us the way we like him, etc. If you struggle with insecurities when dating, here are some tips on how you can overcome yours.
1. If you don’t like the way you look
Yes, there can be men that don’t like the way you look but if a man really is interested in you, he will not stop at the physical side of you. He will want to get to know you more for your personality and because he feels a connection with you. Who knows, he might even like the way you look! If a man is not interested in you because he’s not attracted to you than he is not the right one for you. So you can be at peace with you body and accept yourself as you are. The right man for you will accept you as you are with no conditions. Yes, the majority of man are attracted by the looks of a women but not all of them. There are men whom are looking for a soul to soul connection and will feel attracted to you despite a few extra kilos or you being too skinny. The best way to protect yourself is to put a full picture of yourself on your dating profile. Just look natural and post a recent picture of yourself. Never put a picture of someone else because you might regret it and you’ll sabotage your chances of the date going well.
2. If you have low self-esteem
I don’t recommend dating if you have low self-esteem but if you really want to, here are some tips. If you are someone whom is always comparing herself with others and seeing yourself less than, it is time for you to embrace the unique being that you are. There is no one better than you or lesser than you. We are all so different, so original and unique. You are a unique combination of qualities, gifts, talents, defaults and personality. There never was, there is not and there will never be someone like you. You were made of a unique DNA and you should choose to see your strengths and try to better your weaknesses and asks for help where you need to. We can not have it all. Maybe you have an emotional intelligence while others have an intellectual intelligence, maybe you are very creative while others are more hands on, maybe you are very visual when you try to learn something new while others are rely more on their rational mind, maybe you dance very well while others can’t. No one is perfect and we are all different. The more you embrace your unique DNA, the more you will be at peace with yourself and be happier.
3. You are afraid you won’t be able to have a conversation with your date
You can let him lead the conversation and don’t try to fill in all the empty spaces. Speak from the heart instead of from your head. If you just try to fill the conversation with superficial talk, he won’t get to connect with you in an authentic way. Let him get to know you and don’t speak badly about your past relationships, you don’t want to appear as a negative woman that is stuck in the past. The more you have made peace with the past and you ready for a new relationship without being stuck in what happened in your past relationships, the better the date will go. If you are bored with you date, then cut it short and don’t lose your time trying to please him. You don’t want to give him the wrong impression and make him lose his time either.
4. You are afraid he’ll find you weird
If you are afraid he’ll find you weird, it means that you don’t accept yourself being different than others. It all comes back to the same thing: the more you accept yourself, the easiest will be for you on the dating scene. I used to find myself weird because I often have my head in the clouds, because I have a very different way of seeing things and because I think in a different way than the majority of people, plus I am quite sensitive. Until I realized that my difference and weirdness can become qualities in a world where everyone tries to be a white sheep within a mass of white sheep. I encourage you to be a pink or fuchsia sheep and to stand out from other people by being the real you, the authentic you that you are.
5. You have plenty of negative thoughts about yourself when dating
If you say to yourself plenty of negative things, it’s time for you to transform your mindset. Make a list of positive affirmations and repeat them in your mind as soon as you wake up and just before going to bed. You can also repeat them in your head or out loud just before meeting your date. They will help you feel confident and secure within yourself. You can choose affirmations like: I am enough; I am valuable; I accept myself as I am, I am perfectly imperfect; The right guy will be interested in me; I am much more than my body; I can bring value in a relationship; I love and respect myself.
6. You are afraid he’ll notice your imperfections
We are all imperfect, so he will end up one day knowing all your imperfections if you choose to be in a long-term relationship with him. Him noticing them earlier or later won’t make him leave you if you are the one for him. He won’t expect you to be perfect because he knows (unless he is narcissistic) that he isn’t either. You don’t need to be perfect in order to be loved or valued. You are enough as you are. The right man will love you with your imperfections the same way that you would love and accept him with his own imperfections. If you tend to idealize the men in your life, it is time for you to make them step down of that pedestal that you put them on, and give them their rightful place: the exact level that you are, equally to yours.
7. You are afraid you will fall for the wrong guy
The better way to protect yourself is to get to know him. Take at least 2 months before getting involved sexually with him. There is nothing better than time in order to get to know a person. If you get involved sexually too early with him, you will lose any sense of perception of whom he really is. Us women, tend to fall in love quickly when we get intimate with a partner and keeping a distance will help us with our discernment. Men don’t fall in love when they have sex with you, instead, they fall in love when they establish a heart to heart connection with you. You should aim to communicate openly and authentically with a man if you want him to fall in love with you. The more you protect your heart because you are afraid of being hurt and don’t show up as you truly are, the less chances you have to establish a true heart to heart connection. There is a double advantage in taking your time in order to know more about his personality: make him fall in love with you and getting to know the real him. By consequence, you will know he’s a bad choice before you risk falling in love with the wrong person and you will have enough discernment in order to stop the relationship before it gets sour.
8. You are afraid that you don’t have what it takes to impress him
In order to impress a guy that is meant for you, you just need to be yourself. He will smell you from a mile away if you are insecure, not confident, to easy to get, etc. This is why I don’t recommend that you date until you become confident, that you love and respect yourself. If you believe in the law of attraction, you’ll understand that you attract what you are, not what you want. If you have a low energy vibration, you will attract low vibe man. The more you work on yourself, the higher your energy will be and you’ll attract a better quality of man. You don’t need to do anything extra in order to impress a man. Just be authentically you and accept yourself as you are and that will transpire in you being confident.
If you have other insecurities that I haven’t touched upon in this article, just let me know below or DM me. In conclusion, accept yourself as you are and just let go of the outcome and if you really want to make sure you attract the right type of man, work on loving and accepting yourself just as you are.
If you are giving or doing too much for your partner in your relationship, you will end up being depleted of your energy, frustrated, not feeling appreciated and that your needs are not important. You have probably learned during your childhood that in order to be loved, you need to give and do for others. This is bringing you into a masculine energy which is focused on doing, planning, giving and in the long run will bring an imbalance into your relationship. In hoping that the more you give to your partner the more he will be willing to take care of you, you will lose focus on yourself and if your partner doesn’t do anything for you, you will end up tired, depleted, unseen and unappreciated. You need to learn how to get back into your feminine energy by bringing back your focus on you. If you feel frustrated because no one is taking care of your needs, you need to take care of yourself. The less you concentrate on your partner, the more energy you will have to give to yourself and your own needs. Ask yourself: what do I need? To enjoy a nice bubbly and relaxing bath? To schedule a nice massage? To buy myself flowers to enjoy their beauty? To take a nap and rest? To read a nice book? To daydream and envision how your life could be better? To watch a romantic movie while you sip on a warming herbal tea? The feminine energy is all about relaxing, dreaming, imagining, taking care of yourself, listening to your intuition, enjoying life and being in the present moment!
If you start to concentrate on yourself more and do less for your partner, he might react in a strange way. He might punish you by ignoring you and pout, depriving you from his attention, affection and love in order to show the fact that he is not happy with your new behavior towards him. This might trigger you into the fear of being abandoned or rejected by him and you could risk going back to your old pattern of being in your masculine energy. You could even begin being anxious and fearful of losing him. You have to learn to deal with your anxiety in order to not give in. Get back your confidence by repeating positive affirmations like: I deserve to be loved for whom I am; I am lovable; My needs are important; I deserve the best in life; I am important and valuable. The more you repeat these powerful affirmations, the less you will stress when your partner is reacting to your new feminine ways which is normal because he got used to a completely different behavior and now you are changing the rules.
Try to have an open discussion with him explaining to him that you need to come back into your feminine energy and take care of you because you are exhausted or whatever your truth is. Just speak from a personal perspective without being accusatory or putting the fault on him. Give him the space to express himself and share your feelings and needs. This conversation, if well done, will bring you closer and he will end up having more respect for you because you are giving yourself the importance and respect that you deserve. Unless he is a toxic partner and he wants you go keep giving to him even if it’s making you unhappy and exhausted.
I hope this brings you more awareness about your past or future relationships. If you are interested in working with me, let’s schedule a discovery call to see if we can work together at helping you become the Queen that you deserve to be in order to attract your King (aka soulmate).
1. Take your power back
When we feel abandoned, we have the impression that we are all alone and powerless. Why? Because your abandonment wound has been awakened and since most of our emotional baggage is coming from our childhood buried emotions, we feel exactly like a powerless and lonely child. By having this eagle sight on this situation, meaning: looking at your situation from a higher perspective, you can realize that you are now an adult whom has the power to choose in her life and that you don’t depend on anyone anymore like you did in your childhood. This will make you feel empowered and can get you out of that victim mood that keeps you stuck in suffering. Today, you get to choose: what do you need in order to feel better, how can you take care of you during this difficult period, whom can you call so that you feel less lonely? Do you feel that nobody loves you? Maybe it’s time to love yourself at last! By switching from a powerless child perspective and taking your adult power back, you can completely change your behavior, suffer less and heal even faster. By the way, this doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t cry or express your feelings. Expressing your feelings is a healthy step in processing your difficult emotions and connecting more to your joy and hope. This way, you help your inner child get rid of the emotional baggage that is trapped in your body and you get closer to your emotional freedom.
2. Cry your eyes out and express your anger
If you feel abandoned and you are angry, I want to let you know that behind your feeling of anger, there is always sadness. The more you hold on to you anger, the less you give yourself the permission to free yourself of your sadness. If you have trouble connecting to your sadness, you can 1st find a way to express your anger. Express your anger by hitting a pillow or your bed, or by writing anything that comes through your mind without judgement (don’t let your rational mind censor your thoughts or feelings) in order to let the intensity get out of your body. Once you have done that, getting in touch with your sadness will be much easier. Your sadness needs to be expressed as well in order to free yourself of your emotional pain and feel much better afterwards. You can let yourself cry and just be present to yourself instead of trying to cut yourself off from your feelings. You can get through this, you are not a powerless child anymore, you can!
3. Give yourself the best treatment
When you feel abandoned, self-care comes in 1st place in order to give some love to yourself. When you feel not loved it’s time for you to love yourself and answer your needs (physiological and emotional). Take care of your five senses: smell, sight, touch, taste, sound. Listen to beautiful relaxing music or more energetic music if you feel like it, enjoy a hot and comforting beverage, cover yourself with a soft blanket or enjoy a bubbly bath, burn your favorite scented candles, put a beautiful picture in front of your eyes or save it as a background on your laptop screen. By taking care of you and your 5 senses, you will feel that you shower yourself with care and attention and you will feel less depressed or angry. Learning to love yourself is the most difficult and the most important and rewarding step in recovery if you have an abandonment emotional wound.
I hope you will take some tips from this article and apply them when in need.
Ever wondering if your partner truly loves you? There are a few easy ways of knowing and I will describe a few of them in this article.
1. He takes you into consideration when he takes important decisions
2. When you cry, he takes you into his arms and comforts you
3. He respects your decisions and inspires you to be your best version
4. He loves spending time with you in person or he consistently calls or texts you
5. You feel that you are his priority
6. He loves and accepts you for whom you are, with your qualities and defaults
7. He is making plans with you for the future
8. He treats you with respect, love and adores you
9. He lets you have your space and is always happy to reconnect with you
10. He wants to have a deep emotional connection with you
11. He makes the effort to communicate with you when something is wrong
12. He tries to improve himself in order to be a better person when he feels free to do so
Anything you would like to this list? Feel free to do so in the comments below!